The story is a fictional exploration of women's emancipation in China. It is set circa the 1911 Revolution, called the 辛亥革命, that overthrew China's last imperial dynasty, and created The Republic of China. The story begins with an exploration of a daughter-in-law's place in a multi-generational household of great wealth and culture.
The first episode left me gobsmacked as I saw how the patriarch of the household had...
- not only the power to order that a daughter-in-law be beaten,
- he also had the power of life and death over her.
Against his will, the 3rd son was forced to take a wife. The 3rd son was gay. Forced to marry against his will, this gay man committed suicide on his wedding night. The father-in-law ruled that the young lady was responsible for his son's death, and sentenced her to death by drowning. At this point, the entire family, 3 brothers and their wives and an entire retinue of servants, progressed to the river downtown to drown the hapless new bride on her 1st day in the new home.
Wow!
At this point, I decided to read up on women's rights in feudal China. To my horror, I found THIS. It was stipulated in all the laws of the Tang, Ming and Qing that anyone who had beaten the daughter-in-law, or the wife of a grandson, to death, for no reason, would be sentenced to 3 years of imprisonment; anyone who had intentionally killed them, would be sentenced to exile 2000 li away; but anyone who had negligently killed her would not be punished.
The death of a daughter-in-law was worth no more than 3 years in prison. Somewhere in the first episode of 碧血书香梦, there was also someone denigrating the bride for NOT having bound feet. In that era, unbound feet attracted social opprobrium.
These are jarring themes, but they reminded me of how far Singapore has come since those days when my uncles and grandfather had multiple wives. The values and ethics in Singapore remained feudal for quite a long time because Singapore did not go through the mayhem of The Cultural Revolution and the 1911 Revolution. It was not until 1961 when Kwa Geok Choo helped to draft the Women's Charter that Singapore women began to have rights. The themes in 碧血书香梦 reminded me of The Gate of Hope in one corner of CHIJMES where girl babies were abandoned because their families did not want an extra daughter.
Suddenly moved to tears, I rushed across the landing to peek into The Daughter's room where she worked, all porcelain skin, and soft brown hair framing an oval face. She was Slacking a colleague in London. Right now, she is working on the same team as a bunch of Greek men, based in London, serving a company in Brazil and Argentina. I smiled as she told me that her investment in Carnival Corp had appreciated three times since mid-March 2020.
The Daughter has rights to property, to physical safety, an education, to the freedom of travel, to vote. As women in this modern day and age, we take these rights for granted but it was not too long ago when I realised that my own mother-in-law...
- believed that I had no right to own property,
- believed that a good daughter-in-law would obey her in everything.
On hindsight, I recall a strange conversation I had with MIL, when she commented that if she were personally wealthier, I would probably be more 顺. To me, at that time, I was not even sure what the word 顺, meant. However, I did manage to understand that she thought that if she had money, she would command more obedience from me. In my head, I thought to myself, "The issue is not how much money YOU have. The issue is that I make enough money that I don't need yours. Even if I make less money than you have, I would choose the dignity and freedom of a smaller home, rags as clothes, and to starve... than give you the right to tell me how to wash my toilet, arrange my furniture and bring up my kids."
Moral of the Story: Don't marry wealth. Make your own wealth.
In the year 2020, I live in the same house as a woman who espouses the values of feudal China right into the marrow of her bones. This woman literally claimed the house that I built, half paid for and owned, as hers... because she recognises the sole owner to be her son. This woman claims 100% obedience from me... because she thinks her son owns me. She owns me via her son, and has right to my obedience.
Her beliefs are all the more incredible in that I have never once taken any money from her. I made/make my own money. In fact, my situation can best be described as: I pay her to own me. Hahahahahahaha! What a joke!
The only reason why she is benign, and cannot hurt me, is that I am protected by the Women's Charter, which specifies that I have rights to own property and freedom to be my own woman. Can you imagine if Singapore law stipulates that anyone who had beaten the daughter-in-law, or the wife of a grandson, to death, for no reason, would be sentenced to 3 years of imprisonment; anyone who had intentionally killed them, would be sentenced to exile 2000 li away; but anyone who had negligently killed her would not be punished.
I would likely be dead of countless beatings, before today.
As women, and mothers of daughters, we must never take these freedoms for granted. The rights we have today, can be easily lost. See the photos below of Iranian women before and after the Islamic Revolution. So too, in China, in the Tang Dynasty, women had both independent social status and freedom. By the time it came to Qing Dynasty, women could be killed by their male relatives with impunity.
I realise that I am quite sensitive about women's rights and gender equality. No wonder I hate it when the hawkers at Chong Pang call me 小妹. I think that the next time, I hear someone call me that, I will call him 小弟. Let's see how he reacts to that. No, no... please don't tell me that 小妹 is a compliment of my youthful looks. The implications for women's rights and gender equality of the term 小妹 far outweigh any compliment that it may convey. In certain countries, in the year 2020, women die because of gender inequality. Others live lives filled with violence, deprivation and humiliation.
Those of us with daughters need to teach them self-respect. Those of us with sons need to teach them to respect women as equals, not patronise them as 小妹.
I am so traumatised by my MIL that I wake up some nights, in tears, having had nightmares about her. If I, living in modern day Singapore, can be so greatly traumatised by a feudal China Wannabe MIL, can you imagine what life would have been like for women in Qing Dynasty China?
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