Is It Possible To Make Kids Like Studying?

This is the topic that Sofie Han will be interviewing me on. Do join us on Facebook Live at 6pm on Wednesday 2 September.

Click HERE to view.

望子成龙

This jade sculpture is called 望子成龙. This is translated to mean "Hope Son Becomes a Dragon." On the left of the stone is a Father Dragon. On the top right, is his Baby Dragon. 

The workmanship is beautiful and the design respects the innate pattern inside the stone. The dark brown colour in a jadeite piece can be considered flaws. In the raw stone, the most beautiful part is the bluish gray part depicting the baby dragon. This part is the colour and translucency prized by collectors. The rest of the stone is quite mehhhh...

However, the master carver has made this piece of natural stone with all its natural colours into a stunning art piece. This is what I hope to do with children. I want to take every flawed child and make it beautiful. I want to be the master carver of people.

I also hope that all the children who have come through The Collaboration Corner will attain dragonhood 40 years from now, when I am probably dead and gone. Yes... I am hoping that the sons and daughters of The Collaboration Corner will go from flawed to dragonlings, and then dragons.

Whilst I am at it, I might as well aim high, right?

This piece can be found at Li Hong in Raffles City Mall. If no one buys it 12 months from today, I will buy it.

The Hidden Gems

Click HERE, to read.

Don't Pee Where You Drink

I am mother of this family, and wife. The bulk of the emotional labour in this home has always been mine. The Daughter, The Son and The Husband all go out to work and to school. There, they meet stressors of all sorts. They meet with irritating people. They get bullied. They experience disappointment. They come home and it is I who sit with them to help them release their angst. Sometimes, I just sit and listen. At other times, I might create a moment of joy with a piece of chocolate or a toasted egg tart. I use my arms to embrace. My children sit on my lap. I murmur honeyed words into little ears and a man's ears.

People do not just need physical nourishment. They need emotional nourishment too.

Visually, I see myself as a fountain of clear spring water. When my family members come home, I provide the clean and refreshing water to clean their spirits and refresh their souls.

To be able to do that, I defend the sanctity of the fountain that is me. I allow no one to pollute me.

The tendency in most families is to be careless with each other. People are polite to strangers and people they don't know well. At home, they permit themselves to be careless with family members. Outside the home, they may be respectful and polite. At home, they are disrespectful and rude. Their excuse is that these are people they are familiar with. 

Many people seem to think this is normal. This normality is why some families have a bad time during the Circuit Breaker. Families who believe that it is ok to be rough and disrespectful to each other actually pee where they drink.

What do I mean?

You see, if The Husband comes home after a tough day and feels angsty, and he shouts at me or says mean things to me, my heart fills with angst and emotional poison. Every day, The Husband drinks from my unpolluted love and sweet encouragement. They refresh him and cleanse him. If my heart is filled with angst and emotional poison because he yelled at me, all that I am going to let his soul/spirit drink, is my anger and my resentment. So, he first poisons me, and then, I poison him.

This is what I mean by peeing where you drink.

In my home, I believe in being on being super nice and super kind to The Husband, The Daughter, The Son and M. I don't throw my temper at them just because I am in a bad mood. I don't poison their hearts with the leftover stress of my workday. I also call them out when they do that at home to anyone of us. 

In contrast, I don't have to be polite to the strangers I walk past who shout at me to get my attention. I don't have to be polite to that idiot hawker who ran his fat finger in a zig zag pattern on my palm (and looked meaningfully at me) when I held my palm out to receive my change of money. These people, I can pee and shit on. They mean nothing to me.

Not at home. Not with family. My family deserves honour, respect, love and kindness. When you do that, everyone comes home to an environment that resources everyone else. The emotions are clean and the motives are pure.

Clean emotions are important for every family member's mental wellbeing.

I Dunno

 I wrote another article for Singapore Motherhood, which benefited greatly from June Wan's editing. Read HERE.

Done! Embroidered Quilt Cover

 

I am finally done! It was not as hard as I thought it would be! It was so therapeutic too! I loved the quiet and the calm that went with the process. Needle in hand and floss between my fingers, I entered a sort of meditative state of deep focus. Once out of that state, I felt completely rested.

The Husband loves it. He likes simplicity. The bouquets themselves are a riot of details. However, the quilt cover is large. So, the 3 small bouquets still convey a sort of understated beauty. I had initially planned to stitch 5 bouquets but we thought it would be too much of a good thing.

What I Miss About Chong Pang

I don't hang out in Chong Pang Market anymore. I zip in. Then, I zip out. Gone are the days when I used to browse the stalls for bargains or dilly dally around the food stalls whom I know. This morning I realised that I miss a few things about the pre-Covid19 Chong Pang Market.

- I miss the quickening of my heart when I spot a new and innovative product at the itinerant stalls.

- I miss sitting in front of my favourite braised duck stall and watch the men at work, with their precise gestures and focused attention.

- I miss how Ah Yi or the Sugar Cane Auntie used to save me a seat in front of their stalls when it was especially crowded and there were no seats to be had.

- I miss eating the fish soup piping hot onsite. It does not taste the same when I tapau.

- I miss holding The Husband's hand and walking with him to discover the itinerant wares.

- I miss sitting in the foodcourt at 6.15am in the mornings with my Kindle book and a bowl of tauhuey.

I do hope the vaccine comes out soon. Then, life can go back to normal.

Teletubby Daisies

 

This embroidery business is super cool! I was able to jazz up a plain teletubby outfit in almost no time and for a tiny budget! I am going daisy crazy now. I am gonna embroider daisies everywhere I can!

 

Teletubby Clothes

 

Teletubby clothes are now in fashion! These are variously called dungarees, jumpsuits and rompers. They stay up by hanging off the shoulders. They are loose and baggy enough to allow me to sprawl on the floor with my students without any wardrobe malfunction. They have no waistlines and are airy around the legs. 

When this trend dies down, it will be hard to buy such designs. I need to collect enough of these to last me till I die. My grandchildren will know me as the Grandma Who Dresses in Teletubby Clothes!

Wild Flowers On Quilt Cover

The quilt cover is starting to look lovely! On a plain brown background, the riot of wild flowers looks stunning. This is a quilt cover that quite literally, money cannot buy! I am not skilled at embroidery so I could not make the 2 bouquets look exactly alike, but at the first glance, no one can tell. There will be 3 bouquets of wild flowers in a horizontal row near the bottom of the bed. Simple, stunning and elegant. The Husband is thrilled.

The Husband is even more thrilled in that whilst I am busy working on our quilt cover, I leave him alone. It is rare that The Husband's buggeration is too busy to bug him on weekends:

- Let's do this together.

- Come do that with me.

- Spend time with me.

- Go there with me.

- Watch this with me.

I can think up a 1001 things for The Husband to do with me. Today, I was bent over my embroidery project and he just did what he wanted to do. My poor husband has to do things his boss asks him to do on weekdays and on weekends, he does the things I ask him to do.

So, he was very happy today. His buggeration did not bug him at all.

God's Hand

God does not call the qualified.

He qualifies the called.

I wake up every morning conscious of the fact that I am living a miracle. I am doing work that conventional wisdom would say that I am ill equipped to do. Autistic people are supposed to have no EQ. Yet, here I am, developing EQ.

See HERE.

Teaching My Son EQ
It started when I saw that my son needed EQ training. I saw so much of me in him and I wanted to save him the pain of rejection, the social ostracism, the social setbacks and the social opprobrium that I myself went through as a child and as a young adult. My efforts paid off. He became a skilled leader of people, and his leadership skills gained him many portfolio triumphs which opened the door to Cambridge University.

My health was poor so I decided to give children English Enrichment from home. It occupied my time and got me pocket money. Why not? Before long, a pattern of students emerged. Many gifted kids with poor social skills came to me, and stayed. Instead of just teaching them English, I found myself teaching them EQ. The centre processes and protocols evolved to include parent coaching and EQ development. Quite a few of these past students have become student leaders in secondary school.

Ignoring The Idea
Naturally, the idea came to set up an enrichment centre to develop EQ.

By then, the centre processes and protocols had become tried and tested. We knew how to get EQ results with strange misfits and children with anger issues. One such child punched his team mate in the stomach whilst discussing a comprehension question. Another child almost broke his pencil trying to control his rage. Yet another got into trouble in school for kicking at the throat of a classmate. Then, there was the one who threw a schoolroom table against the wall. All arrived, stayed and were very very sad when they had to leave my classes.

I had the idea for an EQ centre but I did not have the motivation. I liked working part-time and playing full-time (embroider, knit, garden and watch C-drama). I liked making a difference but not work too hard. I am in my 50s. What have I to prove? There is no more ambition and no more desire to strive. So, I did nothing about my idea.

The Husband normally ignores what I do. All he wants is a happy wife, clean house and successful kids. I was able to give him all 3 by working part-time to teach English with a dose of EQ. The man who calls me a buggeration (and cannot be bothered about what I do), dragged me to The Old Fire Station and half coaxed, half nagged and half bullied me to sign the lease.

Should I? Shouldn't I?
With the lease signed, I had to do something. So, whilst playing more than working, I managed to get the branding done, the renovations done, start marketing, and hire a staff. That alone took me about 8 months. Meanwhile, God provided amply. The revenue from English Enrichment sufficed to keep me comfortably in the black.

Then, came Covid19. I was no longer able to teach at home. So, with one pandemic, God forced me out of my home classes into my new premises at The Old Fire Station. Before long, it was time to move out of there because the Singapore Land Authority is taking back the whole premises.

So, God chased me out of The Old Fire Station.

My life had become so hectic that I considered pulling the brakes on it all. Why teach EQ? Why bother? Just go back to teaching English at home!

But oh dear.... dang it... I can't go back to teaching English at home because it is Covid19, and I cannot teach at home. Meanwhile, I have a whole bunch of students who think that Dr. Pet's class is their Happy Place. I cannot abandon them by closing shop entirely.

No choice. I could not move backwards. I had to advance.

God's Provision
So, I started to look for new premises to rent. One thing lead to another and we came across a shophouse selling well BELOW bank valuation. The discrepancy between the sale price of this shophouse compared to the neighbouring ones was so stark that I wondered if the unit might be haunted. I connected with 3 other property agent acquaintances and friends to find out if this unit or this area had an ugly secret that was upcoming.

Even more amazingly, this shophouse is fully tenanted upstairs (corporate residential lease) and downstairs (corporate commercial lease).

So, I bought the shophouse with my past years' earnings. The price was so good that it was a no brainer. The sellers are businessmen in need of cashflow. They need to cash out to fund their main business. I then rented a half shop a few doors down. The rental I collect from my tenants will cover the rent I owe my landlord, plus some.

By this time, I was on my knees in gratitude to God for providing:
- rental income to cover my higher business costs
- shop to buy
- shop to rent
... in a location that met every single one of Dr. Pet's stringent criteria.

It was almost as if God was telling me that all I needed to worry about was the job He wants me to do. He would provide the rest.

In Too Deep
So now, even after Covid19 is over, I can no longer move my operations back home. Partly, I now have a shop I own, and a shop I rent. Partly also, thanks to this whole thing, I realised that my clientele drive every weekend to me in District 27, from Districts 3, 10, 15, 18 and 19. Not a single one of my clients even live near me in District 27.

It makes sense to move my business nearer the parents who suffer a long journey every Saturday to my home. One of my clients lives in Pasir Ris. The parents do not drive. Their journey to my home (by bus) is 1.5 hrs ONE way. The Mama sent me her son for 2.5 years and next year, she will send me her daughter.

Pray In Tears
It was not until yesterday that I knelt to pray, in tears.

Thursday's class is an EQ class. Our marketing tagline for that class is, "We develop EQ." However, it seems to me that parents have read the tagline to mean, "We tame wild children." In this class alone, I have...

- kids who don't make eye contact.
- an aggressive bully.
- a child with anger issues.
- 2 children who cannot focus.
- 1 who whines.
- 1 who was so shy on Day 1 that he said nothing.
- 1 with sensory issues.
- 1 who kept interrupting me.
- 1 who was entirely passive.
- 1 who shut down and became non-responsive.

For the past 9 Thursdays, I woke up in the mornings and went, "Ohhhhh... I don't want to go to work today!"

Yesterday was Thursday.

Wild Angels
I started the class with a discussion on social distancing during playtime. They sat nicely in a circle and offered suggestions calmly. They took turns to speak. No one interrupted no one else. They disagreed calmly. When they disagreed, they offered new suggestions taking into consideration the other party's objections. They listened to each other.

The aggressive bully who, for 8 weeks, talked like a gangster and moved like a gangster, entered the class humble and gentle. When he pointed out a mistake that my facilitator had made in spelling someone's name, he did so very respectfully. The one with anger issues offered a few times to give way to another classmate. The very shy one spoke up. The whining one became angsty but when I patted his shoulder, he calmed down and his brain started working again.

My staff and I were round-eyed at the end of class. Huh? What just happened?

It was almost as if God was telling me that I don't even need to worry about how to do my job. He would help me there too.

So, when I came home, I went on my knees and thanked God for...
- picking me to do something an autistic person should never be able to do
- giving me the wisdom and the insight to do it with
- providing amply for my material needs so that I can focus
- giving me teachable moments to use in class
- giving me, Dr. Pet, painful learning moments to grow and develop in my confidence
- looking after every detail of my journey from when to move out of my home to when to buy a shophouse
- providing me the perfect staff to hire
- an everything else...

At times, I feel like a freeloader. I am not sure I do very much because God has done so much.

Embroidery Project

Hello Blog... how I have missed writing in you. In the meantime, all my embroidery materials arrived and I could not wait to get started. It is going a lot faster than I thought. At this rate, I should be able to inaugurate my new quilt cover before the end of the year! I am so looking forwards to a bedspread decorated with bright and cheery spring flowers!