Musings on Soft Strength, MOE and Motherhood: Part 1

The problem with MOE is that it is an organisation that is made in the image of masculine strength.

Its processes, its organisational mechanisms, its job descriptions are all modeled on how normal profit-driven organisations are run. It has...

- KPIs

- performance bonuses

- work plans

- individual work plans

The modern work organisation is a descendant of The Ford Model T Assembly line, the great great grand daddy of industrial organisational work process design. Such an organisation is made in the image of masculine strength. Men have always been bigger and stronger than women. This superior physical strength has some bearing on how men see the world. Men approach the world with the intent to mould it, to change it, to define it. When there are obstacles, men remove them or bash through them, like a steel hammer.

Women have always been smaller and physically weaker than men. We approach the world with the intent of adapting. We change ourselves to suit. When there are obstacles, we flow past them, like water does.

For Want of Better Terms

Now, lest my readers accuse me of sexism, let me just state that I use masculine vs feminine for want of better terms. This is also not a piece on trans men, trans women, gay or not gay. Perhaps, the closest words to describe the concepts that I am trying to put across must be 'yin vs yang." Unfortunately, not many people understand what these 2 opposing concepts mean. So, I shall persist in using masculine vs feminine strength for a while more.

Women Can Have Male Strength And Vice Versa

In truth, when Petunia was working in corporate, she too embodied masculine strength. She was KPI driven, workplan driven, goal driven. If there were obstacles, Petunia got rid of them or smashed them. It was in my job description to deliver results whether that meant:

- billable hours

- customer service KPIs

- deadlines

A woman in corporate HAS to exhibit masculine strength (yes yes... for want of a better term), and many of us women do that very well. There are also men who do NOT do masculine strength very well. 

In other words, whether one possesses masculine strength, or feminine strength has NOTHING to do with one's genitals. One of my long time friends is gay. He is Global Counsel for a global pharmaceutical company, and his lifelong partner is an Air Steward. My friend embodies male strength. It is his job to hunt down companies who infringe his company's patents and smash them to bits, in the courts of law. His lifelong partner, an Air Steward, embodies feminine strength. I once had the blessing to be personally served by my friend's lifelong partner on a flight to Europe. I had never felt so pampered on any flight before nor after.

These two men are a stable pair, looking after each other through life's journey. Neither type of strength is superior. Both need to work together to face life and achieve.

Soft Strength VS Hard Strength
At this point in the blogpost, I think I have defined the notions I want enough to introduce the terms "hard strength" vs "soft strength" in lieu of "masculine strength" vs "feminine strength."

Definition of Soft Strength

The best working definition of soft strength that I can think of, comes to me from a book. See picture below. The book details strength in the form of...
- Courage
- Fortitude
- Wisdom
- Boldness
- Devotion
- Obedience
- Beauty
- Endurance
- Purity
- Humility

Working With Children Requires Soft Strength: A Lot of It

What I discovered when I quit my job to look after hearth, home and children, was that I could NOT get results from my children, using hard strength. Children cannot be managed with...

- KPIs

- workplans

- deadlines

In my current classes, I have no KPIs, no detailed plans and all my students' parents will tell you that Dr. Pet smiles kindly on deadline extensions. Yet, I do deliver results.

In the course of my work nowadays, I encounter many mothers who approach child-rearing with masculine strength. They seek to bend their children to their will. They dictate workload, behaviours, KPIs. They have schedules and workplans that they stress themselves to implement. When the children do not lend themselves to be so moulded and regulated, they are punished.  When plans go awry, mothers melt down... and some fathers become violent.

That is not strength. It is weakness.

It does not work. The harder they push the more their children:

- push back

- dig in

- underperform

- refuse to cooperate...

... and thus, the mothers come to Dr. Pet for solutions. I shall end this post here with some questions...

(1) Why is it that the more you push, the worse the results you get with children?

(2) What parenting strategies do work?

(3) How do these parenting strategies embody feminine strength?

(4) How can MOE potentially embrace feminine strength?

Part 2  of these Musings is HERE.