Good Days and Bad Days

The names in the Telegram chat above have been changed. Like in every job, mine comes with good days and bad days. On good days, I see mothers apply and even innovate upon what I taught them. Phillip (not his real name) was sloppy, bad-tempered and dreamy. I taught his mom a few parenting strategies and he has now become careful in his work, patient with his friends and attentive in class. The mom is applying the same strategies to other subjects, and they are getting results in Chinese too.

I have bad days too. Some moms learn the strategies but they cannot apply because they get angry and frustrated very quickly. Then, the child does not improve. The child gets scolded, punished and disciplined time and again. It does not help. These negative strategies do not motivate. I not only end up seeing an unchanged child, I have to pour a lot of effort into calming down an emotional mother.

On good days, I think that my job is a blast. I cannot express the joy I feel to see a child change from rebellious to cooperative and motivated. On bad days, I wonder why I even bother. These are other people's children after all. Just retire lah...

 

Muay Thai Trainer

 

This is my Muay Thai trainer, Ace Tan. He is quite friendly. His oldest trainer is a 60+ year old woman. Aha! So, Petunia has hope! The warm ups were tough. I could not keep up and had to stop to rest. The Husband just ploughed on and did everything right.

So, The Husband is teacher's pet now, and has been tasked to teach me during the week. Apparently, I punch like Pistachio - a sort of frantic pawing at the punching bag. I know I am lousy. I know that I am starting from a very low base. It is not where you start. It is where you end. Give me 5 years and perhaps, I will be teaching other Pistachios Muay Thai too?

I don't really care that I can't punch properly. I am just happy that today, my whole body is aching. I have pain in parts of the body that I did not know exist. It is good pain. My body will get stronger at the painful parts.

Upcycling Bad Experiences

Upcycling is when you take junk and make it useful. Wooden crates can be upcycled into shelving or coffee tables. Old tyres can be upcycled into ovitraps. With some ingenuity, people can turn junk into attractive pieces of furniture.

What about upcycling yucky experiences?

Last Thursday, I had a bad experience with a man who had decided that a lone woman eating breakfast could be forced into the role of a social escort, obliged to entertain his advances. It was a bad experience.

I have upcycled this bad experience and turned it into a largely positive one for me.

Children's Safety

On the same day that I was Insulted in my Modesty, I read about the 7 year old girl who was taken, sexually assaulted and murdered. Together, both these experiences alerted me to the need to tighten security measures at the Bedok centre, to protect the children in my care. If a man can force his presence on me in broad daylight at a hawker centre, other things can happen in broad daylight too, e.g., grabbing defenceless children for sexual gratification.

I am not defenceless.

The children are.

Perfect Workout to Fend off Osteoporosis

I did briefly consider swinging myself onto the table, leaning back and kicking in the teeth of the man who had insulted my modesty. I cycle 3 hrs a day. My legs are strong. However, I became keenly aware that I had poor upper body strength. My punch would probably feel like a tickle. This was a physical shortcoming that I needed to address. So, I researched boxing classes and fell in love with Muay Thai. Then, I discovered that punches and kicks to the punching stand would stimulate bone growth. Muay Thai will ensure that I stave off osteoporosis.

Yes!

Understanding My Rights

I discovered that I can actually get the fellow arrested if I wish to. There is CCTV in Chong Pang Market. I need only make report and the police can get the footage. He can then be charged for Insult of Modesty, which can attract 1 year in jail or a fine or both.

So, I know the law is on my side.

So, all the women reading this blogpost. Do note that if there is a CCTV around, you have recourse to justice.

Importance of Upcycling Bad Experiences

As one gets older, one should get wiser and kinder. So, I am not going to hang on to bad experiences that will make me bitter. For my own happiness and internal beauty, I am going to upcycle all the pain in my life into love, joy and learning.

My own experience as an abused autistic child, I now use to protect, nurture and love autistic children.

My own experience as an abused daughter-in-law, I now use to ensure that I protect The Daughter and cherish my future daughter-in-law.

Poop can be fertiliser. My shitty experiences can fertilise the growth of families: my own family and other people's families. Bad experiences can be made good.

Boxing Gloves and Weights

Muay Thai is going to be hard for me but there is nothing that cannot be done if I take small steps over a long period of time. When goals look impossible, success is only a matter of minuscule cumulative steps. 

I don't even know if I will actually fight anyone. Sparring seems like a daunting prospect. However, learning how to punch and kick a punching stand sounds like fun, and a good workout. 

I bought wrist weights to wear through the day, at home. Everything I do, from cutting vegetables to typing on the keyboard is now weighted down by 1 kg weights on each hand. If you want to try this, do please note which posture will stress your joints instead of your muscles. Never let the arms hang down straight by the sides of your body. 

Learning Muay Thai isn't really about kicking in the face of the man HERE. It is better to avoid a fight. So, Chong Pang Market is now in the list of places that I will avoid because they are unsafe for me:

- pubs

- nightclubs

- Chong Pang Market

Learning Muay Thai strengthens bone density. I realise that this is missing from my workout. Women are more prone to osteoporosis. Now that I am menopaused, I am probably losing bone calcium slowly. So far, I have been careful to build muscle. Now, I am going to also build bone.

The Seedy Underbelly of Chong Pang

It was quite early in the morning. I had found a nice seat at Chong Pang Market and had settled down cross-legged on one stool (because my legs are too short to be placed properly on the floor). It was a 7 seater table, with 2 stools removed to accommodate wheelchairs. After I had sat down, there were 4 empty stools left. A 60-ish man arrived. He could have taken any of the 4 empty stools. Instead, he pulled up a chair very close to me, sat on it, and announced, "I wanna f*** you." With social distancing measures in place, it would have been wise of him to sit at the seat that I have marked with an X below. But no, he had to get his own chair and sit very near me.

I kicked away his chair when he left to get his coffee. He came back and coolly put his chair back at the table and sat on it. Then, he said, "Go ahead! Call the police." He looked absolutely confident that I would have no choice but sit at the table with him. His air of nonchalant impunity after invading my personal space both threatened and reviled me. Here was a man who had forced his presence on me fully thinking that I would have no defences.

I saw the world through a mist of red.

So, I picked up my bowl of tauhuey and flung the contents into his eyes. He sat there stupidly blinking at me. I think I would be shocked too, if a rabbit bit me. Petite and soft-spoken, I probably looked like a delicious rabbit to him.

I spent the rest of the day crying because I had gone into one of my uncontrollable autistic rages. All my life, I have felt guilty after every explosion of anger. I was miserable with guilt. The Husband assured me that I had done nothing wrong. I did not believe him because I thought he was saying it to make me feel better.

Then, my colleague asked me, "How would you have felt if you had NOT thrown the bowl of tauhuey in his face?"

When I thought about that question, I realised that if I had NOT thrown the bowl of tauhuey into his eyes, I would feel deeply wronged and without recourse to justice. I would feel angry and hurt. I would feel like Monica Baey who was filmed in the shower, and NUS gave the perpetrator only a small tap on the wrist.

My feelings of guilt melted away. They were replaced by extremely evil thoughts. I imagined myself:

- spitting into his coffee

- sitting down and throwing my tauhuey spoon by spoon into his face

- delivering a high kick to the side of his head like we see in the movies

- me dragging him by his hair away from the table

Today, I have finally calmed down enough to feel normal again. 

The braised pork guys were absolute darlings though. They told me to sit near them in future so that they could look out for my safety. Man! It is worth me plying them with herbal teas and garden veggies to get friends like these, in a pinch like this. 

Still, I must be responsible for my own personal safety. Since Chong Pang Market is not safe for me, I shall now always go only when The Husband goes with me. Where possible, I will find other alternatives to Chong Pang Market.

Meanwhile, all my evil thoughts have culminated in a new hobby: Muay Thai (or Thai kickboxing). See HERE. I had been trying to get The Husband to sign up for tango and waltz classes. He has not been keen. The moment I suggested Muay Thai, he said "Yes," immediately.

So, I bought a standing punching bag, and hired a Muay Thai trainer to come to the house for private lessons with The Husband and me. I give myself one year to be able to adequately defend myself in case the man I throw the tauhuey at, tries to sucker punch me.

The Husband's Cashmere Wool Sweater

It has been 2 years in the making, with countless stops and starts and even more unpickings and redoings. It is FINALLY done. It does not look too bad, if I may say so myself. The Husband thinks it is good enough to wear out, unlike this sweater HERE, which The Husband thought made him look like a gorilla.

Now, I have to start a new sweater and hurry through that in time for The Son to go to Cambridge.

 

Folded.

Worn.

New yarn.

Pilot Safety In Covid19 Times

Some of my friends are married to SIA pilots. Some of my students' fathers are also SIA pilots. When these folks fly cargo flights, they do not deplane. They stay in the aircraft whilst the plane cargo is unloaded and loaded. However, passenger flights to high risk places have now resumed. One of my friend's husband is schedule to fly to UK. 

Right now, these pilots are insufficiently protected. The protocol that keeps them safe is robust during the flight. After the flight the pilots need to book into a hotel room and stay there. The hotel room is often contaminated especially in countries such as the USA and the UK.

I believe that each pilot must be equipped with his own ozone air steriliser. 

(1) Upon entering the room, he quickly launches the machine and waits 1 hour (outside the room) for the ozone to sterilise the room. This is a very effective way to sterilise all surfaces within a room, from tables to bedsheets. Ozone kills everything. I know because after I launched an ozone machine inside my mouldy store room, I had no more mould in that store room forever.

(2) After 1 hr, he rushes in to open the windows to air the room and encourage the ozone to break down into pure oxygen.

Right now, even if I lend my friend my machine, he cannot use it. 

(A) The hotel room may not have windows that can be opened, and since ozone is poisonous, it will also kill my friend if he cannot air the room after the 1 hr sterilisation period.

(B) He is expected to go from plane to hotel room, and cannot leave the room at all. Hence, he cannot even stay outside the room whilst waiting for the 1 hr sterilisation process. He certainly cannot stay in the room because ozone is very effective in sterilising. It will sterilise my friend's lungs too.

Pilots now take unnecessary risks at the permeable frontiers of Singapore's Covid19 fight. They need to be protected, like doctors and nurses. The hotel room is the weak link. Hotel rooms must have open-able windows, and every pilot should have his own ozone generator.

Body Sculpting

Drop Dead

In the past few months, we received news of friends who simply dropped dead in their 50s. One died whilst biking. Another died whilst jogging. Neither man was overweight. In fact, these were men who believed in mind over body, when indulging in physical pursuits. I think the problem lies therein. When you are half a century old, your arteries are no longer as supple as they used to be, especially in men. Women have the hormone oestrogen to keep our body tissues soft and our arteries supple (until menopause). At menopause, the advantages conferred by the hormone oestrogen disappear as oestrogen levels drop. So, if a man pushes his body too hard, he can go into cardiac arrest, and quite literally drop dead.

2 Elderly Couples

Then, we went to visit 2 different elderly couples. One couple was in their 80s. The other was a decade older, in their 90s. The couple in their 80s were both in wheelchairs (each with their own dedicated domestic helper in attendance). Both had memory loss and were barely lucid. They live in a semi-detached house along Bukit Timah Rd. 

The other couple live in a 5 room HDB flat. They maintain their own flat spick and span, cleaning the kitchen and mopping the floors. They even do their own toilets. Both are cheerful, humorous and full of joie de vivre.

The lesson I drew from this is: use it or lose it. When housework or life circumstances forces you to move about and stay active, your brain stays active and you maintain muscle mass. When my time comes, I hope to downsize and do without a helper. From today onwards, I resolve to make my own body my canvas. This year's research will be on physical exercise and musculature. I will make an effort to strengthen target muscles all over the body with strength training. I will also stretch daily to maintain flexibility.

This is no longer in order to look good. I need to start today in order to build a strong foundation for staying physically strong well into my 90s. Physical strength also impacts mental strength. Stuck in a wheelchair and served hand and foot, one's mental faculties deteriorate very quickly. On the surface, it may look like a blessing to be served. In truth, what others do for you, you will quickly unlearn to do for yourself.

The lazier you are, the faster you age.

Looking Like In Their 30s

We also met up with a couple in their 50s. 1 of them is older than we. They have strong and well-toned bodies, attractive tans, flat tummies. They moved with vitality and were mentally sharp. These 2 are capable of cycling 40 kms a day. They eat well. They sleep well. They look relaxed and joyful. 

I also know other 50 year olds whose brains have slowed down considerably, and whose knees creak when they climb the stairs.

I now have a goal to work towards. Aging comes with a great deal of indignity. One way to make sure that one lives a dignified retirement is to start now to maintain muscle mass and build strength. It is not just about looking young. It is about staying strong and living well.

Body Sculpting 

So, this year, I will be doing body sculpting consciously.