Looking Incompetent

This post is a continuation from Achievement vs A Good Life.

A long time ago, when The Daughter was 3 yrs old, I bought 2 identical sets of plaster photo frames. The sets came with plaster of Paris in powdered form, a mould of a photo frame, a set of paints, and a paintbrush. The Daughter and I did everything together up until the painting. 

I painted my photo frame.

She painted hers.

Naturally, my painting was vastly better than hers. She wailed and cried. It was such a tragedy that it took an hour or more to calm her down. Henceforth, she refused to paint.

That day, I learnt that in order to grow confidence in my children, I had to lose to them. So, I did. As my children grew through the primary school years, I put in a lot of effort into showing them that they were smarter and better than I. When they got into secondary school, they really surpassed me in almost everything. The Daughter painted better. The Son wrote better. Both counted better and had a whole lot more people skills than I did.

So, I relaxed.

The last thing I expected was that my young adult children, on the cusp of stepping into their own full lives, would compare themselves with me and The Husband, and feel pressure! If I had been wiser, I would have planned for it. Unfortunately, I was not wise enough. So, this thing has come out of nowhere to hit me in the face.

I feel a bit disappointed and sorry. I worked hard as a parent in the past 20+ years to set my children on a good trajectory. This feeling of pressure will:

- make them too anxious to do their best (at worst)

- push them into ungodly decisions (at worst-er)

- make them miserable (at best)

None of these 3 outcomes are acceptable to me. I have not yet figured my way out of my problem. I am still trying solutions. I will keep you posted if any of the solutions work.