The Family Environment

 

I found a photo on my Facebook feed this day that thrilled me so much that I blasted it out to the whole world. In just one line, it describes Dr. Pet's job.

Parents come to me saying:

- My child is aggressive.

- My child cannot focus.

- My child won't sit still.

- My child is easily jealous.

- My child bites her nails.

- My child whines.

- My child has anger issues.

- My child has no friends.

- My child is shy.

The initial presentment of every case is a problem with the child. Parents expect me to fix the child. It takes a while for them to understand that I have to fix the parent. Once the parent is fixed, the child rights itself.

So, in essence, it really is a little like gardening. If a plant is not thriving, I change the soil or tweak with the fertilising regime, or change the placement of the plant so that it gets more or less sunlight. I don't blame the plant. I change its environment.

The thing is, families often have different children. Parents are perplexed at why 2 of the 3 children thrive in their family and the last one gives so much problems. I have never been able to explain clearly why even though I intuitively grasp the issue when problem solving. Now I know how. If Child 1 is a laksa leaf (water loving plant) and Child 2 is a mint (also water loving plant), and Child 3 turns out to be a rosemary (who prefers dry conditions), then clearly, the rosemary won't do well in the same environment as the laksa leaf and the mint.

So, to help Child 3 to thrive and reach peak potential, one must parent Child 3 differently than Child 1 and Child 2.