It was quite early in the morning. I had found a nice seat at Chong Pang Market and had settled down cross-legged on one stool (because my legs are too short to be placed properly on the floor). It was a 7 seater table, with 2 stools removed to accommodate wheelchairs. After I had sat down, there were 4 empty stools left. A 60-ish man arrived. He could have taken any of the 4 empty stools. Instead, he pulled up a chair very close to me, sat on it, and announced, "I wanna f*** you." With social distancing measures in place, it would have been wise of him to sit at the seat that I have marked with an X below. But no, he had to get his own chair and sit very near me.
I kicked away his chair when he left to get his coffee. He came back and coolly put his chair back at the table and sat on it. Then, he said, "Go ahead! Call the police." He looked absolutely confident that I would have no choice but sit at the table with him. His air of nonchalant impunity after invading my personal space both threatened and reviled me. Here was a man who had forced his presence on me fully thinking that I would have no defences.
I saw the world through a mist of red.
So, I picked up my bowl of tauhuey and flung the contents into his eyes. He sat there stupidly blinking at me. I think I would be shocked too, if a rabbit bit me. Petite and soft-spoken, I probably looked like a delicious rabbit to him.
I spent the rest of the day crying because I had gone into one of my uncontrollable autistic rages. All my life, I have felt guilty after every explosion of anger. I was miserable with guilt. The Husband assured me that I had done nothing wrong. I did not believe him because I thought he was saying it to make me feel better.
Then, my colleague asked me, "How would you have felt if you had NOT thrown the bowl of tauhuey in his face?"
When I thought about that question, I realised that if I had NOT thrown the bowl of tauhuey into his eyes, I would feel deeply wronged and without recourse to justice. I would feel angry and hurt. I would feel like Monica Baey who was filmed in the shower, and NUS gave the perpetrator only a small tap on the wrist.
My feelings of guilt melted away. They were replaced by extremely evil thoughts. I imagined myself:
- spitting into his coffee
- sitting down and throwing my tauhuey spoon by spoon into his face
- delivering a high kick to the side of his head like we see in the movies
- me dragging him by his hair away from the table
Today, I have finally calmed down enough to feel normal again.
The braised pork guys were absolute darlings though. They told me to sit near them in future so that they could look out for my safety. Man! It is worth me plying them with herbal teas and garden veggies to get friends like these, in a pinch like this.
Still, I must be responsible for my own personal safety. Since Chong Pang Market is not safe for me, I shall now always go only when The Husband goes with me. Where possible, I will find other alternatives to Chong Pang Market.
Meanwhile, all my evil thoughts have culminated in a new hobby: Muay Thai (or Thai kickboxing). See HERE. I had been trying to get The Husband to sign up for tango and waltz classes. He has not been keen. The moment I suggested Muay Thai, he said "Yes," immediately.
So, I bought a standing punching bag, and hired a Muay Thai trainer to come to the house for private lessons with The Husband and me. I give myself one year to be able to adequately defend myself in case the man I throw the tauhuey at, tries to sucker punch me.
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