Desire

On the plane ride back to Singapore, I watched Shang-Chi And The Legend Of Ten Rings. The story is about how one man allowed his desire to see his dead wife again, lead him to do a terrible thing. 

I am not sure if it was done on purpose, but the movie drives home a key Buddhist message. In Buddhism, desire and ignorance lie at the root of suffering. By desire, Buddhists refer to craving pleasure, material goods, and immortality, all of which are wants that can never be satisfied. As a result, desiring them can only bring suffering.

Desire for the Status of a Private Condominium

In my early 20s, my father asked me to take a loan on a condominium in my name. He would foot the downpayment on the flat but the loan would be in my name. He would then service the loan through me. The apartment would be in his name, but I would get to stay there. This would make sense only if I very much desired to stay in a private condominium. However, I was quite happy in my HDB flat. Shortly after,  housing prices fell sharply. In that situation, since the loan was in my name, I would be liable for a large sum of money if my father's finances could not stomach the loss.

Thankfully, my lack of desire protected me from suffering.

Desire to Own What Is Not Hers

My mother-in-law desires what I have: my children, my garden, my house... possibly even myself. She wants to own me and mine. Her desire was so great that it left me no space to exist. No matter how much I gave in, she wanted more. When I realised that to satisfy her, I needed to completely give up my all to her, I wanted out. If her desires had not threatened my existence, I would still today be making kefir for her, baking bread for her, buying jewels, iPads, appliances, bags for her. I would still be doing the hospital rounds and helping her around the house. She would not need to move out of my home, back to her own HDB flat.

Her rampant desire lead to suffering: both hers and mine.

Desire For Top Scores

In my 40s, when The Son was still in primary school, I gave up on my desire to have a top scorer. My attitude was that The Son needed a good and holistic education. If he did badly academically, he was still my son. My job was not to groom a top scorer. My job was to prepare him for life according to what God wanted. To do that, I had to see The Son's true strengths and weaknesses, and not judge him against the standards of the world (aka, MOE's standards).

Again and again, I see families suffer because parents desire top scores so very much.

In Christianity, we are to yield our lives to God. This means that we give up on what we ourselves desire, and allow God to order our steps. We are to submit to the will of God. I am only recently reading into Buddhism. For most of my life, I tried to subordinate my own desires to God's will. When push came to shove and a decision had to be made, I tried to look past my own desires to see God. That has protected me.