Don't Pee Where You Drink

I am mother of this family, and wife. The bulk of the emotional labour in this home has always been mine. The Daughter, The Son and The Husband all go out to work and to school. There, they meet stressors of all sorts. They meet with irritating people. They get bullied. They experience disappointment. They come home and it is I who sit with them to help them release their angst. Sometimes, I just sit and listen. At other times, I might create a moment of joy with a piece of chocolate or a toasted egg tart. I use my arms to embrace. My children sit on my lap. I murmur honeyed words into little ears and a man's ears.

People do not just need physical nourishment. They need emotional nourishment too.

Visually, I see myself as a fountain of clear spring water. When my family members come home, I provide the clean and refreshing water to clean their spirits and refresh their souls.

To be able to do that, I defend the sanctity of the fountain that is me. I allow no one to pollute me.

The tendency in most families is to be careless with each other. People are polite to strangers and people they don't know well. At home, they permit themselves to be careless with family members. Outside the home, they may be respectful and polite. At home, they are disrespectful and rude. Their excuse is that these are people they are familiar with. 

Many people seem to think this is normal. This normality is why some families have a bad time during the Circuit Breaker. Families who believe that it is ok to be rough and disrespectful to each other actually pee where they drink.

What do I mean?

You see, if The Husband comes home after a tough day and feels angsty, and he shouts at me or says mean things to me, my heart fills with angst and emotional poison. Every day, The Husband drinks from my unpolluted love and sweet encouragement. They refresh him and cleanse him. If my heart is filled with angst and emotional poison because he yelled at me, all that I am going to let his soul/spirit drink, is my anger and my resentment. So, he first poisons me, and then, I poison him.

This is what I mean by peeing where you drink.

In my home, I believe in being on being super nice and super kind to The Husband, The Daughter, The Son and M. I don't throw my temper at them just because I am in a bad mood. I don't poison their hearts with the leftover stress of my workday. I also call them out when they do that at home to anyone of us. 

In contrast, I don't have to be polite to the strangers I walk past who shout at me to get my attention. I don't have to be polite to that idiot hawker who ran his fat finger in a zig zag pattern on my palm (and looked meaningfully at me) when I held my palm out to receive my change of money. These people, I can pee and shit on. They mean nothing to me.

Not at home. Not with family. My family deserves honour, respect, love and kindness. When you do that, everyone comes home to an environment that resources everyone else. The emotions are clean and the motives are pure.

Clean emotions are important for every family member's mental wellbeing.