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Wednesday, December 21, 2011

He Cares for My Insignificant Wants and Needs

I am part of a bible study group during the school year. It's forms part of the International Bible Study Fellowship. Within the framework of this fellowship, each group generates a list of prayer items and we pray for each other every week. It has always been difficult for me to give my group specific items from my life to pray for. I was shy. See, some of my wants are so trivial... others are so intimate that I just cannot let others know what I am praying for. Also, I don't think I pray enough. I tend to rely on my own strength too much.

So, when my BSF group leader calls me up every week to get my prayer requests, I will proffer some generic item that does not embarrass me, nor reveals the extent of some of the pain or fear I feel inside. Judging from the kind of prayer requests that were generated, I guess I was not the only one to feel that way.

This year, my group is very special. We have broken for the holidays and will integrate new study groups next year. For all intents and purposes, my 2011 bible study fellowship group is no more BUT it still is. 2 ladies in particular have volunteered to collate prayer requests through email, and each week, I still receive prayer items from the group to pray for. This time, though, the prayer requests reach into intimate regions of the others' lives that were not revealed during the year. Somehow, via email, people venture to share more and deeply too.

But I have not made any prayer requests of my own via email.

Now that I read of others real needs and wants, I am even more hesitant to reveal my own. Others pray for dying family members. I am thankful that I only need to pray for Little Boy's flu and The Husband's conjunctivitis. Others pray for being able to rent a small flat at subsidised rates. I am praying for guidance on how to buy a property overseas. Others pray for straying husbands and wayward children. I am praying for The Husband to come home early for dinner more often, and for The Daughter to find a good husband who will love her and protect her.

In the midst of others' agony, I cannot bring myself to share my insignificant woes. I do not know how it would make the others feel. In fact, in the midst of others' very real and deep pain, all my wants melt away into fervent prayers of thanksgiving to God for somehow blessing me with so much.... and please, please, please... don't stop. I fervently pray that I will not forget that He is behind all this.

In truth, I have had more pain in my life than many others, more pain than I want to dwell on. Yet, it is no excuse to taunt others with the blessings he has given me in recent years. And then my prayer needs just completely dried up. Already, I wasn't praying enough... and I began to pray even less.

Then I picked up a book entitled WHEN FAMILIES PRAY, by Cheri Fuller. As I read the book, I felt very encouraged to pray again. I learnt to pray BLESSings into every individual's life. B for Body. L for Labour. E for Emotions. S for Social. S for Spiritual. Then, I learnt that God answers prayer even before one has prayed. A last minute prayer works! Because God has set in motion the answer to our prayer even before we know to pray.

That was what He did for me yesterday. I had stupidly scheduled a mammogram and a PAP smear back to back in the morning, forgetting that I had also scheduled for lights to be installed at Grandma's apartment. I couldn't be in 2 places at the same time. I desperately prayed for help. Somehow, it turned out that He made the guy come late. Phew!!

This morning, I went out to buy soil. Driving home, I looked at the sky and groaned. It looked like rain. Somehow, God prompted me to pray for good weather. I giggled. Seriously, I did. I was happy that He cared for my teeny weeny insignificant need. The weather held out till I had finished gardening. I planted rocket salad, dill, nasturtiums, chamomile, lemon bergamot, nettle. I repotted the rosemary. I treated the brinjals and lady's finger for aphids. God had told me that the weather would hold for as long as I needed. So, I took my time.

He cares for LITTLE needs too.


Anonymous said...

It's amazing isn't it that God cares for us so completely, all day, every day, year after year!!! Happy Christmas Petunia to you and your family!

petunialee said...