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Wednesday, January 9, 2019

Abdication of Responsibility

Over the weekend, a parent told her son in front of me, "I give up. If I still cannot cope, I will leave you for Dr. Pet to motivate and to manage."

So nice hor... pay Dr. Pet $280 a month and she will fully motivate, manage and discipline your child for you on your behalf. You see, Dr. Pet has a magic wand. She only has to touch your child and he will behave.

This parent often complains to me about her children. I give her clear method steps to follow but she does not follow them. Unsurprisingly, her relationship with her child is still fraught, and her children disobey her. According to her, she has naughty and unmanageable kids. Her method of coping is to complain about her child.

Complaining is not going to help her child succeed. It simply lays the blame on the child for poor parenting habits.

When children come to the centre and show themselves to be docile and obedient to me, then any rebelliousness or misbehaviour with the parent is due to poor parental management. If the child were really problematic, the child would be problematic here too. This parent's child is very docile and cooperative with me.

I have offered to teach her how to manage her children properly but everyone expects free advice from Dr. Pet. So, in order to save money, she would rather continue to complain and then say, ""I give up. If I still cannot cope, I will leave you for Dr. Pet to motivate and to manage."

It is impossible to help children of parents like that. The parent influence 24/7 is stronger than mine. I know because I have TRIED in the past to help. I failed. Every time. Now, I don't even try.

For all parents who read this blogpost, know this. If you give up on your children, I will give up too. I am not going to chiong and kill myself for your kids if you don't care enough to even try.

I used to stress myself overly about this and that child reaching potential. The Husband is right. These are other people's children. Parents should not expect that I will happily take over the motivation and management of their kids for $280/month.

It is very tempting to abdicate responsibility to a teacher. It is a responsibility I refuse to shoulder. I have tried to shoulder it before and it lead me to depression. I cannot save children from their own parents.

It takes 24/7 effort to build up motivated and disciplined children like The Son and The Daughter. There is no way to do it in 1.5 hrs a week. If I try, I will only fail. Some of these children have so much potential. I would not mind adopting them and then put in this effort. After this effort, I want to be the ones to enjoy these children's loyalty and filial piety when I am old. If I am to parent the child, then I want that child to be mine and only mine.

No such thing as parent on your behalf and return the kid to you disciplined and motivated.

I have learnt wisdom. Now, if I discern that the parent is not committed to parenting, then I also pull back on my own investment in the child. I don't want to pour my energy and time down the drain. The next time this parent complains to me about her child, I will ignore her. I will also refrain from spending too much extra time on this child. Better to conserve energy and invest it in parent-children pairs that will give me results.

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