The Sex Game disadvantages girls.
It is girls who end up fragile for 9 months and shackled to the full time care of children for 2 decades. In these 2 decades, the work we do at home, is unpaid labour. People think that the worst paid folks in Singapore are cleaners. They are not. The worst paid folks in Singapore are stay-at-home mothers, because people like us are paid nothing at all.
My decision to stay home was motivated by a single obsession. My children were not doing well. I did not really count the financial sacrifice because The Husband (after he saw how The Daughter went from bottom 25% of her cohort to top in cohort and became a prize-winning gymnast) was more than happy to be the sole breadwinner. Nonetheless, since my work attracted no salary, I did not feel good about spending money.
In those years, I was frugal to a fault. I felt that I had to justify all my expenses. So, I allowed myself no indulgences. I paid some price in indignity too. I often had to ask The Husband's permission for purchases. My mother-in-law sincerely believed that it was her son's salary which bought our home. She claimed to own my house through her son. It hurt me very much to see that all my years of stay-at-home labour and the raising of 2 high achieving children gave me no stake in the property I lived in.
Clearly, my mother-in-law believed that I had no right to own my home since I had not been drawing a salary for 2 decades. It was her son's purchase and therefore, her house. I, the mother of 2, and wife of her son, was merely a slave with no rights. When I signed over the title deeds of our HDB flat, I noticed that the next family had left out the name of the purchaser's wife and mother of his children in the purchase. The property was deeded in the names of the purchaser and his parents, instead. I felt sad for the purchaser's wife.
Happily, in my situation, I was able to robustly counter that I had made money through various property transactions, the proceeds of which had then gone into the purchase of our house.
Then, it struck me. What if I had made no financial contribution to the purchase of my house? Could I lay claim to my own home by simply having done 20 years of stay home labour? Put this way, readers might answer, "Yes." In reality, the answer was, "No." For 20 years, I worked for no salary and people assumed I had no rights to own my home nor buy indulgences for myself without permission.
I am reading "Moment of Lift" by Melinda Gates. She writes of African daughters-in-law who, upon marriage, have to stay in a small mudhouse away from the main house, not allowed to be under the same roof as their mother-in-law. Melinda Gates shares that financially empowering these daughters-in-law to start small businesses, also allowed these daughters-in-law to command more respect within their husbands' families. Meanwhile, in Singapore, I stared in horror at my friend, whose mother-in-law had called her "lazy cow" during her confinement period.
So, you see, The Sex Game is highly disadvantageous to women. If we do our jobs as mothers and wives, outside of the workforce, we give up some personal rights and suffer a lot of indignity. I contrast my past 2 decades with my friend's 2 decades. She is the CEO of her organisation. She asked no one's permission to buy her $200,000 Porsche. My friend's mother-in-law would never claim to own my friend's house.
Every so often too, I see married men (with stay home wives) trying their best to score with a woman not their wife. This then begs the question, why is life so unfair? Why is it that women, who work hard at being wives and mothers, have to give up personal rights, suffer financial indignities AND the indignity of a husband with a roving eye?
So, no, I am quite unable to accept an attitude of nonchalance towards teenage pregnancy held by some communities in Singapore - See HERE. The Sex Game is simply too disadvantageous to females, even within the context of a legal marriage and The World's Best Husband (i.e., my husband). Research data all over the world shows that teenage pregnancy CAUSES long term poverty. Teenage mothers disrupt their education. In turn, their own children become poorly educated and raised. These children cannot climb out of poverty.
Now that my children are grown, my career can re-start. I have earned an interesting income for the past 6 years. I have plans for professional development. My mother-in-law no longer bothers me. My claim to own my house is indisputable. I no longer ask The Husband's permission to buy my indulgences.
I am aware that I can re-start my career only because I am well educated. Teenage pregnancies put a stop to a woman's education. Uneducated, her earning power across her lifetime is directly pressed down to subsistence levels.
If Dr. Pet had to put up with being treated as a lesser person, with lesser rights, for 20 years, imagine what life would be like for an uneducated teenage mother. Surely, it would be a life full of indignity and even fewer personal rights.
One moment of pleasure translates into 9 months of pregnancy pains, a lifetime of indignity, and unending poverty because of low educational attainment.
Tell me, is it worth it?
So, when The Daughter was dating her first boyfriend and jeopardising her A level results, I made sure I told her that sacrificing her academic performance for a boy was not worth it. A woman should have her own worth (above and beyond a pretty face), independent of the man she dates or marries. That is the only way for a female to live a life of dignity, beholden to no one, desired by all, and loyal to one. I cited the example of Coco Chanel, who established The House of Chanel and with a combination of independent worth and beauty, was greatly loved by the Duke Of Westminster.
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