Everyone Has a Story of Pain

I begin now to understand that everyone has a story of pain. Sitting across from me during parent coaching are often parents who were:

- abandoned by their Father

- emotionally abused by their Mother

- rejected by their biological parents and given up for adoption

- physically abused by their Mother

- overly controlled by their parents

These parents come to me because their children are 

- not motivated 

- not performing at potential

- getting into trouble in school.

To fix their children's issues, I need to examine the parent's parenting reflexes, which then leads me to examine the family's psychodynamics, which leads me to look into the types of childhood my client has had, which leads frequently to stories of intense pain that has not dulled with the passing of years.

It is so easy for non-parents to lock away their pain and get on with life. As long as there are no children involved, most people do not look for healing. But, when children come and parents understand that the pain in their past are leading to present uncontrollable behaviours which hurt and define their children, many choose to face their unresolved issues and resolve them. Not all do, though. Some simply have no courage.

Those who do, are really very brave. It is not easy to revisit pain and re-live it in order to face it down and resolve it. Often, when one re-lives the pain, it means to mentally become that helpless child again. To have grown up and out of the abusive situation, who would willingly return to that trap, even if it is only in one's mind?

Yet, Numbers 14:18 states...

The Lord is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.

Sinful patterns of behavior are often passed on to descendants. For example, an environment of alcoholism, sexual abuse or violence can scar children for life. The same children can grow up to repeat these same behaviours, unless the cycle is broken through obedience by faith. Stories of childhood abandonment and childhood abuse can go 2 ways. In one, the new generation faces the sin and resolves it. In another, the new generation submits to the same sin and perpetuates the cycle.

By now, I have heard so many stories of so much pain that my own story of intense pain (that I wrote about HERE) seems to grow unimportant. And it is with this realisation that I truly learnt the meaning of Luke 6:38 - Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” You see, when I reach out to heal others of their pain, God has poured on me in equal measure healing in abundance for my own pain.

Also, when I revisit the moments when I cried out to God, "Why? What have I done to deserve so much pain in my life?" I now realise that I asked the wrong question. My question should have been... "God. What task do you intend for me to do that you bless me with so much pain in my life?"

I suppose that every instrument needs to be bent into shape and forged in fire, and if I had not gone through my own pain, I would not be able to help others today.