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Thursday, December 13, 2012

God Sent a Dog

A little boy came by today who abhors playing the piano. His parents had placed their trust in me to make their boy WANT to play the piano. They had paid up for 2 full hours of One-to-Pair Motivation Therapy with the full confidence in my professional capability. When I told The Husband that I had accepted such an assignment, he raised an eyebrow - "Errrr... now you are teaching piano? You can't play it very well you know. I've heard you play."

I was a little peeved to say the least. First, he had just told me that he doesn't enjoy my valiant efforts at making music to soothe his soul. Apparently, my music doesn't soothe him at all. Second, The Husband still doesn't seem to understand the nature of what it is I do for a living these days. I was feeling decidedly UNsoothed myself. With all the cold dignity I could muster, I said "I don't know how to teach piano but I can get the boy to WANT to learn piano." Wisely, The Husband changed the subject and began to talk about HIS job, not mine.

So Small a Child With So Strong a Will
The little family arrived this morning at 10am. After 10 minutes with the little one, Petunia started to sweat. I was faced with a child no higher than the middle of my thigh with the strength of will to equal the mightiest river rushing towards the sea in the fullness of summer. I knew that the child had a strong will. I just didn't know how strong. This one was a Little Force Majeure.

The session started well. I had known beforehand that this child was somewhat strong-willed. I was ready. I started by diverting this force of nature. No one in his right mind stands in the way of a river... nor confronts it head on, even if it isn't a very big and powerful river. To master a river, you channel it. Open an avenue for that power to flow... but an avenue in the direction that suits you. In this way, the river roars not at you... but towards an end that you want. Many parents are blind to the raw power of a child's strength of will. We underestimate it because the children look so puny and small. Then parents get very surprised when their kids outsmart... outlast and outwill them.

But really... I learnt my first lesson in motivation on the streets of Paris watching dogs face off. It's not the size of the dog in a fight. It's the size of the fight in a dog. I've seen Alsatians hop nimbly across the road to get out of a Poodle's way. Petunia the Alsatian looked deep into The Poodle's eyes this morning and decided that she had not enough fight in her to face off and win.

Petunia Failed to Motivate
This little child came expecting that I would teach him piano. He expected a confrontation. He was completely ready for a showdown. I could see it in his eyes. Wisely, I created an alternative channel for that strong will to flow... away from me, but in the direction I wanted.

I asked him to teach me piano instead. This was so unexpected that with all the exuberance of a mighty river, he immediately began to bubble forth instructions and advice. Where is the Middle C.... where should your thumb be... no, no, no.... that is not the Middle C Auntie Petunia. As he taught me and advised me, he practised his piece twice in 10 minutes. Quite enthousiastically too.

Then I made a terrible mistake. I said, "Wow! That's beautifully played! Play it again!"

The Little Force Majeure squinted suspiciously at me, "Why again?" and that was when I felt the force of this mighty river hit me in the face. Silently, I pitied the boy's parents for having to live with so much latent power in a small body. With all the cold dignity he could muster, the boy declared "I am now going to take a break."

And that was that.

The mighty river had burst the banks of the canal I had devised to contain and channel its power towards my ends. It was now merrily going its own way. I stepped back to recover the shreds of my professional dignity. I left the child to play and took refuge in my study with his hapless parents, looking still hopefully at me. There in the sanctity of my study, I confessed to the child's parents, "Your child is challenging. He has so much emotional baggage vis-a-vis piano that I am not sure that I can do anything. I will try again. If I fail again, this session is free. You will get a full refund. "

An Angel in Dog Fur
I had to quickly devise a new motivation recipe for my new attempt.

At the same time, I had to help the parents plan a 3-phase Master Plan (with time frame 6 - 12 months) to get their child from hating piano to liking piano. Each phase needed multiple motivation strategies. I had to explain each one. I also had to read the 2 separate people's personalities and devise ways to best get them fully familiar with all the strategies they needed to implement the Master Plan. We chatted for an hour before I made my second attempt at the child.

I wasn't even sure that it would work at all!

In fact, I am quite sure I would have failed except that God sent a dog. For no reason that I can fathom, a Golden Retriever appeared from nowhere and sat right in front of our main gate. It sat in the middle of the driveway just outside the gate - a stunning Golden Retriever. It appeared at the exact moment when I needed it in my motivation strategy... and afterwards, it disappeared. Completely disappeared. The children and I have been out in the neighborhood. The dog is nowhere to be seen.

Do angels dress up in dog fur?

Anyhow, with the help of this mysterious Golden Retriever, my 2nd attempt went swimmingly well. The session ended with the Little Force Majeure willingly playing 3 different piano pieces, and beaming at his Mother once done.

If the Little Force Majeure's Mommy and Daddy are reading this, here is one last word of advice - if you don't hurry your child, he will progress much faster than you would ever expect him to. That is in the nature of strong willed children. If they have decided to do something, they will conquer every obstacle simply because they want to. So... don't stand in the way of your mighty river. Channel it instead.






28 comments:

Blur Ting said...

Wow, sounds like an interesting kid. You are right to channel his energy in teh right direction. He seems like a determined little guy and I'm sure with the right guidance he'll excel in something he enjoys.

Petunia Lee said...

Oh yes Ting! This one was as cute as a button!

L said...

What did the doggy do? Did you play "How Much is that Doggy in the Window"? =p

Petunia Lee said...

L - The doggie ate 2 pieces of pork belly and then he limped away. It seems to be a very jaded dog and will go away if approached. Timid and tired. Almost as if it was tired of loving people. It made me so sad and I can't find it now.

L said...

Awwww...

L said...

What did the doggy do? Did you play "How Much is that Doggy in the Window"? =p

Celine said...

You inspired my latest post plus led me to search on youtube for this song "Little People" from Les Miserables (cut from most productions now) which sums up what the little ones can do.....

"we might look easy pickings,
but we got some bite!"

lyrics and music here
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppotuhZjIkA

Petunia Lee said...

Celine - I had quite forgotten that song! I think it is a song that parents should listen to!

Open Kitchen Concept said...

Such a nice story! Petunia, will you come and motivate my baby to sleep? :D

Open Kitchen Concept said...

I like what you wrote about the dog but then I saw your comments and oh dear, poor doggy. I hope it'd find a nice home!

Karmeleon said...

How did the Dog help?

Karmeleon said...

So the boy hates piano lessons or simply hates practising?

I always have people complaining about child not wanting to practise or not effective practise. Almost makes me feel like offering to be "Practice Coach". HAHAH!

Petunia Lee said...

Karmeleon - The boy hates practicing. His lessons are pleasant enough because his Teacher is very encouraging.

Petunia Lee said...

Karmeleon - The dog allowed me to make some degree of emotional transference that allowed enough energy to light a spark... enough of a spark to erase the emotional residue from the earlier failure... and enough of a spark to keep him going through 3 songs before he ran out of motivational energy.

Karmeleon said...

Ah, so it's like those Helper Dogs that live with Special Needs Children.

Karmeleon said...

Seriously, the Practising Part can be structured so that he WOULD practise. That's how the Parent as a Practice Coach comes in.

I'm no good with being a coach in schoolwork - that's really your area, but so far, I've been quite fine with being a parent coach in the music area. haha! It's alright even if you don't know how to play the instrument well - that itself is NOT important.

Karmeleon said...

Seriously, the Practising Part can be structured so that he WOULD practise. That's how the Parent as a Practice Coach comes in.

I'm no good with being a coach in schoolwork - that's really your area, but so far, I've been quite fine with being a parent coach in the music area. haha! It's alright even if you don't know how to play the instrument well - that itself is NOT important.

Petunia Lee said...

Karmeleon - The parents tried structuring. This is an extremely intelligent boy with a very strong will. There had been tears... and long sessions of sitting in front of the piano staring at the keys, refusing to even put hand on keys. Different kids are different. Yours may be more interested in piano and a bit of structure was enough to get them going. Not for this one.

My son started off disliking his father intensely. Most people would just say "Seriously, he just needs to spend more time with his Dad." But the degree of dislike my son had was different. It was an unusual situation and it took about 5 years to reverse the attitude.

Kids are different.

Karmeleon said...

I know how different they can be. I have a few samples, yah? And they are all such individuals. And all play different instruments, and some more than one. It's almost like they hate being like each other. And yes, I have one that really have to thread very carefully and borders upon hate for me too.

Petunia Lee said...

Karmeleon - I'm glad you understand the poor parents then. It wasn't as straightforward as structuring. It wouldn't be easy to change hate to love.

Karmeleon said...

He might actually excel in it, as long as he gets over the resistance. But until then, it might be a stumbling block.

Petunia Lee said...

Karmeleon - Actually.... I think he is the sort of child that will excel in ANYTHING he chooses to do. Provided that he himself WANTS it. The trick is to get him to want it. Like I said, I almost gave up and refunded the money to his parents.

He ABHORS piano and I think the word ABHOR is an understatement.

Going forwards, the parents have the motivation recipe. BUT I am still unsure they can carry it off. If it were MY child, I know I can.... but since I am not doing the implementation, I am quite unsure if the parents can carry it off.

**Fingers crossed** This said, the parents are very determined and intelligent people too. The apple falls not far from the tree. Haha!

Karmeleon said...

Yes, so totally like one of mine that I mentioned. But I've managed to psyche so far and he's also given ALOT of space. ALOT, and it has to seem like it's his decision. And I like what you said "if it were my child". LOL. But I dare not. Who knows I might be proven wrong one day. ;P

Stay at Home Doctor said...

Hi,

I was drawn to your comment that your son disliked his father. My 4 year old often tells my husband "I don't like you." Breaks the father's heart. And we also thought he needs to spend more time with his father. Any advice for us would be appreciated. Thanks

Petunia Lee said...

Hi... that and more characterized the interactions between father and son in our home. It took 5 years to change dislike to love. I am not sure the effort can be easily documented in a few words. Even for me... it took a long time and patience.

Malar said...

What an interesting kid! Hope he become a great piano player 1 day!
Poor doggy.....

lynklee said...

I keep wondering why they Insist that he must. If he feels so poisoned agst piano, doesn't it make more sense to start afresh w something he's not so prejudiced against? Why must it be piano that the parents are hung up on?

I think it's the lack of perception of choice (like our elections till lately) than a real hate of the instrument per se. But the former prob calcified into the latter...

Petunia Lee said...

Lynklee - The mom wanted to learn to motivate. She figured that this was the perfect excuse or field project to learn with. According to her, she would rather experiment and practise with piano.... which isn't important than risk practising with something like school work.