Oh man! I am so sleepy! I haven't been sleeping well at all because my whole life has been turned upside down by my pack of humans.
I should have known something was up when a skinny stranger whose teeth shone from his dark face smiled at me and waved a paw. Never trust people with glowing teeth. He stood in Mom's study room (which doubles up as my refuge from lightning and intruders because there is no place safer than under Mom's study table) and started taking things and putting them into boxes. And then he broke apart Mom's study table and made the whole thing disappear.
I ought not have contented myself with barking at Mr Shining Fangs. I should have rushed in there to bite him to the death because he left and came back with his whole pack (all with shining fangs) who then took away everything one by one. There wasn't even a book shelf left in Mom's study for me to hide behind. And then, Dad took me out for a walk. It wasn't a nice walk because I had a hunch that something terrible was about to happen. Sure enough, when I got home, they had made off with my kennel!!
I was upset!! Very upset!! And then everyone disappeared for hours and hours. I had 2 bowls of water... but Dog Shall Not Live By Water Alone. When Mom came looking for me, she actually looked happy. It was the worse day of my life and the woman looked and behaved like it was my wedding day. She took me for a ride in the car and we came to this Place of No Privacy.
My patio used to have 4 walls and I felt safe in there. Now, my patio has no walls at all. Humongous trucks pass by and rumble threats at me. Masses of humans walk in front of my patio and stare at me. And there is this long long alley by the side of the house which is dark but if I want some food scraps, I gotta run down it to get to the back of the house where the kitchen is. I hate that dark alley.
AND... I have to guard this whole place by myself at night. That's no joke ok. There's the front door and the back door and I am one dog... and I like my sleep. When I settle into the front patio, I hear noises at the back and so I trot over there. When I settle into the back patio, I hear noises out front and I trot over there. How's a dog to get any sleep this way?
Thankfully, Mom lets me sleep behind her chair in the study during the day. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....