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Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The Auntie Strikes!

You know you're an Auntie when you strong arm (nicely of course) people into eating meals that you cook. A true Auntie pounces on unwary visitors and plies them shamelessly with freshly baked lemon sponge cake, apple crumble, mini pizzas... An Auntie of the purest breed REHEARSES the moment when she unveils her plate of edible something, and waits with heart pounding as she watches the hapless visitor bring morsel to mouth.

If the visitor says nothing and eats politely, something is wrong. That realisation sends the world of the true Auntie crashing down about her, and the sun retreats behind thick dark clouds of disappointment. But if the visitor's face goes all dreamy and his/her eyes close slightly in order to better savour the activity that's going on in the mouth... why... then a song begins to hum in Auntie's head. And she carries that little ball of happiness all over the house for a day.

After that, the Auntie needs to find another hapless victim in order to recapture that same thrill. It's all very impermanent, and one must keep hunting down and cornering the unsuspecting friend or acquaintance or soon-to-be acquaintance in order to feel alive again. The best of all victims are the teenagers on the brink of adulthood. Young, innocent and unsuspecting half adults who love food with all the naivete of a metabolism that burns up every calorie fed to them.

The Auntie strikes because she knows that the calories will pile on her, and so she chooses to enjoy what others eat. Makes sense?


Leah said...

You are so funny! The teen (this one empties the fridge very quickly) and tween in the house wish mum would cook and bake a real Auntie!

Have been missing your regular post...exam period?

petunialee said...

I teach in a uni. It's marking the assignments that are killing. That's because I want to give detailed comments so that the students can understand where they went wrong and improve over Assignment 1 to Assignment 2. Exams are easy to mark because the scripts are not returned and I don't agonise over how exactly to couch a critique without sending someone to the brink of suicide.

I've missed your comments too!

Fresh Fry aka 福星 said...

i love good food and dun mind being piled with good ones! *WIDE GRIN*

termite said...

hello "auntie" hehehe
i am no teen but i still love food! anytime u want an "unsuspecting" victim pls call me! (when i come back for hols i will let u know LOL)

petunialee said...

Fry - but you're so skinny!

petunialee said...

Termie! Hello again! What are you doing in Brazil?

Blur Ting said...

Oh, you're a true blue Auntie though you don't look like one!

Wait till your little boy grows up and he'll happily eat up every morsel you cook. When my kids say, "I'm hungry.", I instantly sprint into the kitchen to heat up the stove.

petunialee said...

I know! That sounds so familiar! You run over with this pounding heart... It's terrible!

termite said...

hey petunia :)
i am skiving in argentina lah not brazil pls. lol